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Tom Ralphs was a gentleman, devoted AU Sig, and fun
When trying to describe Tom Ralphs, his best friend since they were freshmen in high school, Steve Smith rattles off story after story – punctuated by a mischievous laugh that seems reflective of their enormous friendship.
“He’s the kind of guy you absolutely want as a best friend,” Smith says. “He was a wonderful guy.”
Brother Tom Ralphs (AU 1971) entered Chapter Eternal on June 19th after a serious fall. And legions of Tom Ralphs other buddies and Sigma Chi brothers lost a great friend too.
To say that Sigma Chi and Alpha Upsilon have lost a magnificent brother just not sufficient. San Diego County, California land conservation, Ducks Unlimited, the military community, and a loving family are hit hard as well.
“It was a shock” says Smith who’s been navigating the stages of grief. "I reluctantly did get to acceptance.”
In fact, it was Smith who brought into Sigma Chi at USC. Because Tom was coming out of the military and did not go through normal rush, Consul Sam Tower had to get special dispensation from Sigma Chi Headquarters. The brothers immediately bonded with Tom. “He was the life of the party,” says Smith.
He lived his life in a manner the seven founders would have commended. Integrity, honesty, conviviality, with ambitious purposes – and his generous heart and ability to make and retain friends were his hallmarks in life.
“He was a consistent and dedicated supporter of Sigma Chi,” says close friend and brother Gene Erbstoesser (AU 1973). “He was a gentleman.”
Tom was among the first and most enthusiastic donors to the Trojan Sig Foundation Four Pillars Capital Campaign to build a new AU chapter house to carry our legacy long into the future.
“He was one of the first guys I approached,” says Erbstoesser. ”He thought about it for a day” and
AU Sig Tom Ralphs (AU 1971
then immediately stepped up with $50,000. Tom’s support was early and helped to generate the confidence and momentum that is taking us across the finish line in that project.
As his Sig brothers know, Tom was the great grandson of the founder of Ralphs Grocery stores. And while Tom worked as an executive for the company especially during its centennial celebration, he made his mark in life in many other ways. Smith says Tom was clerking at a Ralphs on Third and LaBrea and, rather than have his name tag say ‘Tom Ralphs’ so that everyone could see he is part of the family, he rigged his name tag to say ‘Ralph Thomas.’ It said so much about his humility.
Smith elicits another mischievous chuckle and tells the story of the two of them living in a tiny apartment in Marina Del Rey between Topsail and Union Jack – their door opened onto the sand. For five years they lived there right out of college paying a whopping $125 each
from 1972-1977. When Smith tried to get Tom to get all the groceries – given his connections to Ralphs – Tom said no way because there’s no such thing as a family discount.
Erbstoesser and Smith acknowledge with a smile that Tom was a favorite of women everywhere because he was respectful, handsome, who was never profane, and loved life. Tom would often say it took him until 2023 to find the woman of his dreams. He married just a year and a half ago.
As the San Diego Union-Tribune reported in a memorial written by his family: “Tom’s final and happiest chapter was his marriage to Michelle. Their relationship grew from a long friendship built on trust, affection, and a deep understanding of one another. Michelle often said she had never felt more loved or more comfortable with someone who knew her history so completely. Tom liked to say that he had never asked anyone else to marry him because he had simply been waiting for her.”
Every year for 54 years, Tom would host a massive Fourth of July party. It was so elaborate and fun that people would look forward to it all year. So, when Tom passed away less than a month from this year’s Fourth of July party that’d been meticulously planned as always, everyone decided to come together as scheduled to instead celebrate their beautiful friend.
A legacy of leadership
Alpha Upsilon, the first fraternity at USC, maintains a proud history of excellence
The Alpha Upsilon chapter of Sigma Chi, the first fraternity at USC - indeed, the only fraternity at USC for 35 years - has a proud legacy of leadership.
Civic leaders, entrepreneurs, corporate titans, dedicated Sigs, famous brothers, athletes and simply great men: That's the Alpha Upsilon legacy of leadership.
Our chapter, now more than 130 years old, has 40 Significant Sigs, so far, according to Sigma Chi headquarters. That's one of the very highest totals among all Sigma Chi chapters across North America recognizing "those alumni members whose exemplary achievements in their fields of endeavor have brought great honor and prestige to the name of Sigma Chi."
The Order of Constantine is "considered the highest honor" and is given to Sigs "for their commitment, dedication and service to the Fraternity." Once again, the number of Constantine Sigs from Alpha Upsilon ranks among the highest of all chapters.
One of our leading brothers, Gene Erbstoesser, has among his many honors an Order of Constantine award.
“What we don’t understand is how many people lives we’ll touch.”
- Gene Erbstoesser
Order of Constantine
Sure, there are famous names like actors Tom Selleck, John Wayne, Ted McGinley and Buster Crabbe, professional sports names like Mike Holmgren, Bobby Valentine and Bill Buckner, plus many more.
And there are leaders of corporations with household names.
We even have Grand Consuls; Keith Sorensen and Craig Nason, affectionately known as "Blinky" to us.
But the real value is the intangible at Alpha Upsilon.
The chapter has done a good job of perpetuating its quality over the decades, says our most recent Constantine Sig
Gene Erbstoesser, who pledged in the
spring of 1967 before graduating in 1970. He's been a chapter advisor at three schools (UCLA, Cal State Long Beach and USC), House Corporation President and Vice President, and continues in leadership roles for our fraternity and our chapter. He's been a leading lawyer nationally and internationally, primarily for Ernst and Young.
Yet his Sigma Chi involvement remains central to his life. “What we don’t understand is how many people lives we’ll touch.” He tells the story of a talk he gave to the chapter years ago about the difference between right and wrong, and how each of us have that choice every day. One of those undergrads called Gene years later to thank him for that talk, and said it was one of the reasons he, like Gene, became a lawyer and later a District Attorney - fighting for right vs wrong.
When alums become "meaningfully involved" in the fraternity, Gene says, “Sigma Chi is better for it. And society is better for it.”
"You really feel it and live it from the very first day you walk in as a prospective pledge," says Sean Kell, Class of 1991. He's one of the most recent Significant Sigs and one of the youngest from our chapter to ever receive the Significant Sig award.
“There’s definitely something in the water," Sean said about the legacy of leadership at AU.
Sean won his award in 2018 after running senior housing company "A Place for Mom." After the company was sold in
2017, Sean took the helm at Blue Nile, making it the world's largest online jeweler. He's also held leadership roles at Expedia, Starbucks and more.
He credits the chapter house.
"The culture of excellence that flows through that building is really amazing and hard to describe.”
“You really can’t help but get caught up in this incredible unboundedness of goals and aspirations,” Sean says.
"Those four years are this amazing time," he says, "if you let it happen, your dreams and aspirations are unbounded.”
"It was just a dream machine," he says of the house. "That's what inspired me, was to dream really big."
And yet even a valued organization like Alpha Upsilon hits "some rough patches", as Gene calls them. “No institution that lasts over 125 years doesn’t have some bare patches or down cycle. The question is do they revive, do they regain? Poor organizations don’t. The major factor that has helped AU recover its stride has been its alumni support and involvement.”
Gene recalls that, during AU's re-chartering effort, which he co-chaired, 500 brothers showed up for the black tie event. What a statement.
The teachings of Sigma Chi are at the root of such value. The “Man in the mirror” teaching is the key to one’s validity as a human being, Gene says.
Gene cherishes another Sigma Chi distinction with which he was honored: "The Examplar Medal" given to the leading undergraduate at Alpha Upsilon. First given in 1921 after being created by Harry Lee Martin (AU 1895), the Exemplar was resurrected by Alpha Upsilon in 2011 and continues today.
In Gene's 2018 Order of Constantine acceptance speech, he gave thanks to a litany of Sigs including the undergraduate brothers at the three chapters which he advised. "They enriched my life in more ways than I can possibly describe."
ORDER OF CONSTANTINE
SIGNIFICANT SIGS
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Order of Constantine
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Gene Erbstoesser cherishes his Exemplar Medal awarded to him when he was Consul and IFC President in 1970. The medal was created in 1921 and continues to be awarded to the undergraduate who best exemplifies all that is good with Sigma Chi. BELOW: Gene with the Long Beach State Sigs as they return to campus.
The program cover from our 2001 re-chartering banquet which 500 alumni brothers attended.
Some of our Alpha Upsilon Significant Sigs - all hail
